i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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