last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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