Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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