The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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