shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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