after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
