i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
