what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
