the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
