Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
