I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
