Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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