Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
