All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
