a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
