What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
