No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize