That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
what day is it and did you see me today?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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