If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
