Michael Bay diarrhea
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
