Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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