I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
