we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
vagina is talking i cant
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
