I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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