Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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