i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
