I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
