she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
only you would photoshop your dick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
