dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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