she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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