Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is it penis luge time yet?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
