things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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