You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
