My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
