i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
