i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
