She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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