I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
