Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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