my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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