You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize