I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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