I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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