He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
