I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
