it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
