I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
