U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
