how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
