My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
