I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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