My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
