Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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