she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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