i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
