He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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