So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
