We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
