I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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