Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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