I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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