okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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