This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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