just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
