you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i already hear my dad disowning me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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