Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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