I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
